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The Wasted Time ReReview: Box of Danger’s – Pokémon: The Abridged Series

December 25, 2010 Leave a comment

Wow… I was harsh.

I was going over my past reviews and found the only one of the TFS forum Wasted Time Reviews that is still accessible to the public (apparently Kaiser hasn’t forgiven me yet). Even I have to say it was bitter, over generalized, and really just made for less of the spirit and more for sake of the humor. If I didn’t know better I would have considered this a satire of critic satires; while the review contained a lot of jokes, it contained no substance and little in way of reviewing. Compared to my later articles you would think that this was somebody trying to parody me. Unfortunately that man you see, foaming at the mouth, was me a mere month and a half ago.

Well, I like to think I’ve grown in that time, become more mature (by which I mean, I make more dick jokes and antagonize fans), and improved my style. So, I thought in the Christmas spirit (fuck you, my toy), that I would try to rectify my mistake and waste a little bit more of my time on another one of my:

The Wasted Time ReReview: Box of Danger’s — Pokémon: The Abridged Series.

May God have mercy on my soul.

Well, it seems that this is going to be a very special Wasted Time ReReview, because this time I will be looking back on two very distinct and very separate series. One series is a half-way decent show that has subtle humor, decent voice acting, and an innovative storytelling. The other series is a master of abridged series that I would recommend for all… oh I can’t be that mean, it sucked goat testicles. It was horrible, awful. It lacked all taste, humor or decent traits. The two series I am talking about are of course: Box of Danger’s – Pokémon: The Abridged series.

But before I get into that, I have to make an obvious segue into my patented Proper Series Breakdown:

Pokémon: the 4Kids Cash Teat was the marketing wet dream that ran from the late 90s, and still runs to this day; with multiple games and even the trading cards still selling. If you, like me, were born in the mid to late 80s, you might have just missed this fad. The Nintendo Gameboy game was the first launched, and was the only decent part of the franchise. The game was about catching these creatures called Pokémon, and grunging through the most pointless story possible while forcing their newly attained pets to fight in violent, if not deadly battles.

#1 Pokémon Champion

This fairly decent game exploded all over the US. Practically overnight: giant yellow rats started being splattered all over the walls of gaming and toy stores, and the creature that is Pokémon began to infest nook and cranny of North America. This unbelievable fad spawned off video games, trading cards, plushies and it practically defined gigapets. Pokémon was a monster: the campiness of the show was a loose veil to hide that every cute or furry goddamn one of them were soulless, evil creatures, gnawing at your very soul so you’ll give them more. This was also a thin veil to keep you from discovering that what you’re feeding are the soulless, evil creatures that work at 4Kids Entertainment.

The franchise, like everything popular, queefed out a show in the late 90s; as expect, this show was terrible, it had little to no real plot, the characters were bland and uninteresting, and the morality was sketchy, at best. It followed Ash Ketchum, a 10 year old who leaves home to become a Pokémon Trainer, in apparently the most brain-dead (but curiously safe) alternate universe imaginable. The show centers around: basically the same premise of the game, which would be good if that game’s story wasn’t complete bullshit. Oh, and it has this pretense of friendship and love, but hey! Its 4Kids and they had to make cockfighting appealing to kids somehow.

Honestly, I don’t know what I can say about any attempt to abridge this franchise. It’s really hard to like it enough to parody, and even then you only have a certain amount of material to work with. Pokémon was bigger than Jesus, and everybody knows about it. This means that jokes can, and have all been done about this show, so really there’s not a lot original that can be said about it. So, I caution you to remember the material we are working with, and try to understand that we can’t expect a gem to be squeezed from this dried out clump of rat shit that even 4Kids got tired of nibbling off of nearly five fucking years ago.

Box of Danger’s – Pokémon: The Abridged Series was first advertised as an answer to Captainawesome’s Pokémon abridged.The series is your general cut/slash, serve with side of gravy abridged series. It has obscure references, it changes the story line, and god love it, and it certainly tries to be funny.

The first episode of Snapper of Danger’s – Pokémon: the Abridged Series begins with a pretty clever Pokémon game glitch gag, and then proceeds to rape the innocence of any poor sop who watches it. The very first spoken joke is an abortion joke from Ash’s mom, which I guess is supposed to set the frame of a resentful mother-son relationship. The abortion joke isn’t even clever or well spoken; it literally is “I can’t remember why I didn’t have you aborted.” That’s horrible! It lacks all subtlety and tact, while simultaneously making the series uncomfortable from the get-go. If you don’t like dark humor, well don’t fret, there are only a billion more unnervingly dark jokes in the horizon.

The show moves on with such clever jokes as “who the hell are you?” by Professor Oak, and… wait is that the game music? It is! Who the hell would subject innocent people to the music of the original game? Well, get used to it because Muff of Danger’s – Pokémon: the Abridged Series will grab you by the head and force you to gag on the soul crushing noise that is: the Pokémon gameboy soundtrack. The episode goes on to meet Pikachu who… fucking talks? Well… why not? It’s at least innovative.

But stop me if you’ve heard this one: it turns out that Pikachu is a… wise cracking asshole of course! As if we couldn’t see that joke five miles away… In Alaska… Through A Mountain… Let’s just say it was really predictable and go from there.

We are also introduced to Misty, who apparently just got done eating children (which is an image that will be leader heading in my nightmares for the next two weeks). The first episode will surprisingly bore you when it’s not disturbing the shit out of you. The voices are lazily done, to the extent that if I closed my eyes, I can’t tell the difference between Ash, Misty, or any girls in the show; the jokes are surprisingly mean spirited and the humor lacks anything resembling subtlety. Seriously! You can’t make every character just say what they want to do, or what they feel.

That Makes Me Angry!

The second episode is framed around the Pokécenter and begins with an on paper, funny idea for a joke. The rainbow joke was clever, but will never make you laugh. But, not to worry, clever, charming jokes are rare in this series, and are generally replaced with drawn out morbid scenes; like the one revolving around eating Pikachu when Ash is talking to Officer Jenny (who borrowed her voice from a middle aged Irishman).

We are introduced to our main villains in the second episode: Team Rocket. Jesse, who sounds a lot like every other fucking woman in this show, James whose sexual ambiguity will leave you guessing time and time again, and last, but certainly least, is Meowth, who if was voice acted with any less effort would be completely pulled out of the series with a kind adieu and a kick in the ass. Team Rocket is the dastardly people trying to steal Pikachu, and all other Pokémon! Oh well… it’s not like they’re pedophiles or something…

Oh wait! They are! Yes of course, MasterWGS has succumbed to the always funny tactic of outright calling his antagonists pedophiles… ha! Classic! The episode ends (thank god) with Goldeen being summoned from the pits of hell to take care of Team Rocket… by killing them

I think everyone knows where I’m going with this.

The third episode starts out with an unfortunate set-up for a lot of bad dick jokes (hey! that’s my thing!): Caterpie. Ash catches Caterpie with his oddly shaped EZ bake oven

Sweet, my brownies are done.

And then begins to “whip it out.” and If that’s not bad enough, Caterpie ends up prematurely ejaculating after raping Misty in the night (while apparently doing a bad job at it). Ok, I don’t care what the show is like, or how good it is. If that is your main joke, you have killed that episode. So moving on:

The show really goes about the same pace: We meet more unlikable characters; the story tells like a demented spoof of the original series, jokes lack timing or tact, while editing lacks rhyme or reason. The whole show drags on leaving the viewer confused and offended, but never wanting to talk about it again. Episode 9 is the first episode to change anything up… by pulling a prank. The episode is just a looped video of Pikachu looking over a rock, set to the Benny Hill theme. This makes no fucking sense. I know the point of a prank is to kind of mindfuck your audience, but the Benny Hill theme? The fucking Benny Hill theme? Why? It made no sense to what was going on. You use the Benny Hill theme in a Scooby Doo spoof in fast-forward! (dibs) Not in a looped video of fucking Pikachu!

Ok, that was cute… now where’s the real episode 9? …Wait a minute… so, instead of making episode 10 as episode 9, Clam of Danger decided to leave the retarded Benny Hill rat as episode 9? That would piss me off if it didn’t mean I get to watch one less episode of this Godawful series. Ok, so I’ll go with it, on to episode 10.

Episode 10 is the precipice of shittiness that is this show. If the first ten episodes of Spunk-pot of Danger’s – Pokémon: The Abridged Series was in fact a giant turd, then episode ten is the long wet fart at the end. It begins with this:

If anybody had read my original review, you know how much this makes my blood boil. It’s not that I don’t understand the temptation to do this, and far BB beest me to judge a person for wanting to backhand their particularly annoying fans. But when you decide to tell us that many people “brought on” this reaction, it robs what could be a funny joke of any meaning; by making it sound like the trolls hurt your feewings. The episode isn’t too bad, until they get to the… I don’t know (Poké Ski Resort?)  …and meet a kid, who totally doesn’t represent a troll. So this guy, let’s call him Fanny McDoofus is pissing and moaning about the videos taking too long to come out. The scene then turns into a contest on which end can whine and cry the most; the Funpocket of Danger side of course wins, with a blatantly ripped off Little Kuriboh joke. This scene was also accompanied with the fleeing cries of all my respect for this show.

What a God-Awful waste of bandwidth. The first ten episodes were lazily done. They lacked subtlety in their jokes, the voice acting was annoying and repetitive, and it was surprisingly morbid. Now, understand, I love dark humor. But this… it had no context, no meaning; it was just mean and evil (kind of like my original review of it). So, I think I can say that it’s not going to get better than this…

What? PTAS is evolving!

PTAS has evolved into a MODERATELY DECENT SERIES.

I don’t know if episode 10 was, in fact, so bad that it literally lobotomized me, or why that Indian is watching me sleep lately, but it actually does get better! It seems that this series hit the point at which it certainly couldn’t have gotten worse, and built up from there. Watching episode 11 is like watching completely different series. Suddenly the editing has vastly improved, the voice acting is less annoying, and the show has suddenly gone back on its medication and stopped being so fucking morbid.

The characters, from episode 11 on, become somewhat likeable, but sustain that balance between dick and good guy so that you can tell the difference between them and the antagonists. Everything just starts clicking in all of the right ways and I found myself shocked that I was being entertained! About goddamn time!

Ok! There’s got to be something I can criticize! Ah! Takahata101! He’s in it! I can make a joke about him being the white, nerdy version of Denzel Washington! Wait… he’s not playing Nappa! He’s… doing something new! Christmas Miracles Do Happen! Yes, even though Takahata101 makes his appearance, he doesn’t dry the show, but rather adds original material, which certainly gains a thumbs up from me.

Sure, there are a couple more abridged series references (which I already mentioned in my last ReReview that it always comes off as tacky), the voice acting and editing definitely both need a little bit more work, and they make all of the characters a little too endearing now. A good example of this is the Sendoff for Butterfree.

Butterfree is one of the myriad of Demented Pokémon that inhabit the Trim of Danger universe. I don’t know what it is, but out of all of the twisted characters in this show, Butterfree is the most believable.

This is the true face of evil.

You actually have to watch the show in order to make any sense of why it makes so much fucking sense, but trust me; this character pulls off this radical change and turns this odd thought into something truly demented. Which makes his ending in the show that much shittier. Buff of Danger’s – Pokémon: the Abridged Series’ sendoff to Butterfree was exactly like the original show’s sendoff, which even by that shows standards was a shitty sending off. It seemed like an insult to have the last Butterfree appearance to be about love! I wouldn’t point this out if MasterWGS hadn’t proven to me before that he is pretty innovative about changing storylines.

If not a little morbid.

So… How do I feel about the show? Well, except for the times that it blatantly rips off other shows, Bajingo of Danger’s – Pokémon: the Abridged Series is pretty original. Having the Pokémon talk is an innovated device, and I didn’t even cover some of the really funny moments that happen later in the series. The series starts off like the first week of Altar Boy training, but in the end you become kind of liking it (like Stockholm’s I guess). The show really does get better after episode 10; in fact I would recommend it if you were to simply chop the episodes before 11 off of the series. The problem is, with such a weak set up, the series has a lot of work to do before It can become truly good.

I guess what I’m saying, is keep an eye on this show. Cooze of Danger’s – Pokémon: the Abridged Series is really growing in its own right, and certainly is gaining speed to break into its own mold. Yes, I judged this show wrong at first. This show has certainly grown from when I first watched it, and personally I am glad for it. It seems that all it took for this show to start being good was going the extra mile, taking a little more time, taking yourself a little less seriously, and just a little maturity (like, you know, pointing out that box is an innuendo for vagina 11 times)

Jack “A.C.” Shawhan is a satire writer, critic and servant of Valkyre for The Wasted Time. Self proclaimed: “Ruler of Eternia,” A.C. authors a weekly article imaginatively called: The Wasted Time Review, a critical review on the comedic idiot savants that we call internet publishers. Apart from picking every sordid detail out of what is splattered on the net and dangling perfection beyond the reach of all who wish to approach it, Jack “Aperio Contra” Shawhan is a writer with a long background in literary history and comedy.

email: thewastedtimereview@gmail.com
The Wasted Time©, 2010.

The Wasted Time Rereview: Yu Gi Oh! The Abridged Series.

December 15, 2010 Leave a comment

Ok, so it seems that everybody is a little confused with how I felt about YGOTAS. Some people thought that I thought it was “too” gimmicky, some people thought I gave a bad review, some people thought that the punishment for this was castration. Now, thinking castration is a little harsh, and knowing that there is no good argument I could make to these people that would persuade these people away from their very solid defense

I have decided to roll up my sleeves, pull out my disapproving sneer, and Waste a little more of my time in

The Wasted Time ReReview: Yu Gi Oh!: The Abridged Series

Well, let it never be said that I don’t listen to the fans.

Editor’s Note: It seems that my last review was received poorly because of my use of “big words,” like gimmicky. For your convenience I have placed in bold the words that may confuse yo, and given definitions at the bottom.

Yu Gi Oh! (Or “Game King,” depending on how much you got beat up in highschool) Was a Marketing campaign ran by 4Kids Entertainment from the beginning of the Aughts to just a couple years ago. This was advertized a trading card game, to presumably keep their fan base from convulsing into seizures if a new Pokémon product wasn’t released every couple months.

And sometimes even when it was.

As for the story of Yu Gi Oh!: The 30 Minute Card Commercial… Uh… Well it had something to do with a Card Game, Egypt, and a Pedophile Phaoroh. I don’t know, but all I know is just trying to recall it just now I had a sudden urge to go to the mall and buy a Yu Gi Oh! Starter Pack! Just 24.99! NOW I CAN PLAY YU GI OH! WITH ALL OF MY FRIEND!

Yu Gi Oh! Was most featured in high school lunch rooms as far away from anything that could consider itself a girl as you could physically get, before forming a Trekkie Convention… In Space.

Now, I didn’t really play the Yu Gi Oh! Card Game, sure I had the mandatory stack of Yu Gi Oh! Cards, but I didn’t have the concentration of desire to continue, so I abandoned all hopes and dreams of being a Duel Master, and went on to something less nerdy..

Like Dungeons and Dragons.

Not to say that Card Games are bad, I guess Yu Gi Oh is fine, if you’re into that kind of thing, but personally I’d rather save the time I’d spend programming a 16 digit algorithm, and paying two translators and an accountant to figure out the fucking rules (Doubly applies to Magic).

Yu Gi Oh!: The Abridged  Series is the unique parody of the aforementioned Yu Gi Oh!: the 4Kids Franchise. YGOTAS is impressively written, edited, and virtually completely voice acted by Martin Billany, or otherwise known as Little Kuriboh. So, LB gets big points in the beginning for not letting anybody dick around in his work, doing every job while still managing to be good and having the least amount of life possible without learning Klingon.

Before I go on I would be remiss without mentioning that I am treading in very dangerous territory here. Little Kuriboh is without a doubt the most popular abridger in the internet universe. So, whenever a person so much as thinks about lumbering forth with a critical analyses, we activats his trap card

which summons fanboys to destroy your generalized and opinionated articles until you use your Article Reborn card. Fortunately, I have my Lance of a Thousand Dick and Fart Jokes Summoned, which has the spell effect of making aforementioned fanboys more pissed off (Ok, I’ll Stop the Card Jokes).

Now in my first review of YGOTAS, I mentioned that it at first appeared gimmicky, which I still stand by. But what people didn’t seem to get is the fact (which I mentioned) that being gimmicky isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being gimmicky just means that you rely heavily on your own unique gags, which generally means that humor comes out self centered without any real substance (See Just Shoot Me, for details). But this is not always the case.

Little Kuriboh has made 50 episodes and a movie (+1 episode of Season 0) off of the Yu Gi Oh!: the 4kids Marketing Scheme to this date. All in which features original humor, perfect timing, well thought out references, and yes, gimmicks. Lots and lots of glorious gimmicks!

But… they work well together.

Not only do they work well together, but they work well separately. Each gimmick (including the [Adult Swim tagline at the end], Tristan’s Voice, and “Children’s Card Games”) work well and are legitimately funny in the end. Yeah The Adult Swim tagline is a tad unoriginal, and Tristan’s voice comes off as nerve wracking in the beginning, but neither of these are egregious or obnoxious enough to even lay a dent on this series.

And oh, the references! Don’t get me started on the references!

But A.C.! You flame shows that are unoriginal and use references, how is this guy different?

Thank you, random sentence, I’ll explain. The fact is I do hate when abridgers make references… to other abridged series. This comes off as tacky and unoriginal, that would be like me referencing Maddox, or Yahtzee. Neither party benefits, plus it would make me look like a retard who can’t come up with own jokes (not a far stretch, mind you, but still).

But referential humor is a valid form of comedy; in fact one wouldn’t be completely trespassing if they said that it is the only valid form of comedy. All humor is referential, if we had no common reference, what would make it funny to other people? I think about that every time I hear the tired out airplane routine: it’s funny because you’ve been on airplanes or at least can imagine what an airplane is like (hint: it’s really really cramped, you are breathing everyone’s germs, and yes you will die on an airplane if you step onto it).

You nervous about that 6:30 flight yet?

Referenced work in this series includes, though is not limited to Superman: Returns, The Princess Bride, and the absolute best Pulp Fiction reference in the history of ever.

Er… Maybe it was this one…

Ok, I will admit: Little Kuriboh does at multiple points commit the abominable sin of referencing another abridged series and borrowing off of their humor. And quite frankly, these are the very few times that the show lost points in my book. As I said before, it comes off as just sailing the tide if you borrow from your own Genre. While some of these are funny (Such as when he mentions he’s about half as popular as TFS); other, more direct, references simply gnawed at my soul. At one point Takahata101 appears as, you guessed it, Ghost Nappa. While it was… somewhat appropriate, it still had the stink of unoriginality. However, when taken as a whole, the series itself quite makes up for it with all that is original about it, and that has to mean something.

I could go on about how it’s editing is sub-par, or I could drag out the fact that it’s a little grainy and the episodes seem a little unfocused at times, but nothing really makes it a bad series. I highly recommend the series to anyone who wants to get into it. It’s genuinely funny and original, yeah it has one NTAS reference which I haven’t mentioned before, but it was more of a backhand then a rip-off (+500 LP to anyone willing to do that [Aw damn, lied about the whole no making card jokes I guess]). YGOTAS might be running on its last leg at this point but all in all it’s great, and I look forward to watching it again soon.

Now is everybody clear on what I think of this series? Or was I too opinionated/general/critical again?

Jack “A.C.” Shawhan is a satire artist and self-proclaimed “Lord of all existence.” He is the founder and head writer of the Wasted Time, which is pretty much as big of an accomplishment as taking the world’s second largest turd, but he takes it anyway. Every week he features the Wasted Time review, a satire critique meant present the parts of the internet that are good, and to the parts of the internet that aren’t he kicks them square in the nuts.

The Wasted Time©, 2010.

thewastedtimereview@gmail.com. There, now you can send me your fan mail and praises personally.

_________________

Definitions.

Aughts: (Ots-suh) noun. depicting the turn of the Millennia. Named for having two zero’s (aughts) in a year. Ie: 2006

Trekkie: (trehk-key) Pronoun. The nerdiest of nerds who have ever nerded a nerd. Hey, check out that Trekkie over there! Let’s go take his lunch money!

Klingon: Pronoun. jIH Har jIH ghaj quv wIj mu’mey.

Remiss (re-miss): adj. to be careless or inconsiderate, characterized by negligence. I would be remiss if I didn’t thank Boxofdanger.com for your awesome praises and criticisms.

Critical analyses (crit-tick-cull… ah fuck it): phrase To look closely and judgmentally, to criticize, if you will. To be critical when appraising something’s value. Syn. Critic, Critique, Critical Review.

Fanboys: ref. see you.

Opinionated: adj. Holding their opinion as better than others; being ultimately critical; being a critic; criticizing. an articulate and opinionated critic (this is the ACTUAL Merriam Webster example).

Aforementioned: adj. BIG Word, meaning something is mentioned before. You can suck my aforementioned

Gimmicky: adj. The utilization of gimmicks and gags, while ignoring other content in the show. YGOTAS was never “too” Gimmicky.

Unique: adj. Having its own special qualities. Being special, in the “I wear a helmet way.” Most people who bitched about my site were… Unique individuals.

But this is not always the case: Statement. To be juxtaposed to the norm. To be an exception to a stated rule. Homosexuality is common amongst fan boys, But this is not always the case, it is with you, Jonathan, but not always.

Gimmick: noun. A gag in a show that makes the show unique, and easily repeated and drilled into every one’s head. These examples are kind of like a gimmick.

Egregious: adj. An obscenely bad flaw; glaring; noticeably and distractingly bad. One can define BoD P: TAS as egregious.

Unfocused: adj. Critical term; meaning Hodge podged; convoluted; a little bit of everwhere. Much of my fanmail comes off as Unfocused.

The Wasted Time Revew: Avatar: The Abridged Series

December 11, 2010 Leave a comment

I’ve gotta be honest… I’ve never watched the original Avatar: The Last Airbender. Never, not once. If I have ever seen this show before, it was quite on accident, and I was blissfully unaware of exactly what was going on. It’s not anything against the show; it’s just that I morally can’t watch Nickelodeon anymore, due to their appalling trade of not releasing anything good since Angry Beavers.

I do have a friend who has watched it, so I went to his house, waded through the sea of his kid’s toys, to interrupt his daily routine of illegally downloading old episodes of V. I asked him what he thought of Avatar: The Last Airblower and he said it was ok, until he found himself sitting with his wife’s 13 year old niece whom immediately exclaimed her love of the show. To which he reacted by immediately turning it off, and smoking the necessary amount of… cigarettes… in order to completely wipe it from his memory. Being of no help to me, I immediately called him an oompa loompa and left because I was tired of looking at him.

So I went on a quest, searching hill and dale and hitting the books as hard as I could to figure everything out about Avatar: The One Without James Cameron’s Dick On It that I could, short of having to watch it (that is, I typed it’s name into the Wikipedia Search Bar, and read half a paragraph of the article, then watched Avatar: The Abridged Series and filled in the rest).

Apparently the show revolves around a concept of elemental bending that’s totally not ripped off from almost every single anime with any reference to the goddamn four elements. The show follows Aang, an air bender comprised of equal parts Buddha, Jin from Yu Yu Hakusho, and Krillin. Aang is this world’s messianic figure known as the Avatar.

A word which quite obviously has a different meaning on their planet.

Aang is discovered by a Water Bender named Katara and her brother… hold on, I need to check something… Sokka! His name is Sokka!… Aang is discovered by a Water Bender named Katara and her brother Sokka, who is on a lovely stroll in the tundra when they discover Aang cryogenically frozen until the time in which Wesley Snipes breaks out of jail to perform Murder Death Kills on innocent civilians.

Katara proceeds to break Aang out of his prison with her staff, presumably because Water Bending can’t control water in a solid form. The iceberg breaks under the mighty force of a stick and, in a convenient plot forming twist, produces a pillar of light so that the neighborhood Fire Bending Search Party (local 202), whom is trying to hunt and kill the Avatar, is immediately made aware of his birth (or rebirth, rather) into the world. Aang then leaps from the pillar of light, freed from his 100 year cryo-stasis, where upon he hops onto Falcor’s back, because having a luck dragon with you is the only way to go on a quest.

Ok, maybe not Falcor… Falcor’s retarded cousin, Joe.

As for the rest it… well I’m already bored with this original show overview, so onto the good bits.

First, a small reference point, after my last two reviews (yes, my throat is recovering nicely, but my lips are still a bit chapped), I wanted to pick something that I knew I would hate. Not that I particularly like watching bad shows, mind you. I just have a reputation to live up to, and the Biggest Asshole In The Universe award isn’t going to win itself.

When I first started watching Avatar: The Abridged Series I noticed that the editing was a little… off. Well, not to say off… more never was fucking on in the first place. Sure GanXingba’s choice of dialogue was almost intentionally made to slap video/audio continuity in the face, the background noise was nonexistence, but at least the lip syncing was right on… half the time.

When noticing these glaring flaws I began to giggle with glee, showing the psychological profile as a psychotic kid with a pinned frog. I became so excited at the prospect of tearing it limb from limb that I began right then to equip my arsenal at that very instant.

I was ready to start what would be the beginning of the worst review this site has ever done, but then halfway through the first episode a noise escaped my lips. “No… That couldn’t have been a chuckle,” I said in my own disillusionment. Convincing myself it was just a stutter as I let out a sigh, so I kept watching. And then it happened again.

Ok, maybe it was a fluke… because there was no way that this was actually making me laugh. But time after time, the vocal presentation overwhelmed the visual piece of… art… and forced a chuckle, or a semi-amused “Wh-what?” through my teeth so hard that I have recently switched to prosthetics.

But The Pirate Teeth Model Was Fucking Worth It.

GanXingba takes the Daphne approach to comedy, by somehow wandering off, slipping and falling into something funny almost as a plot device for the show. But I really shouldn’t complain, seeing as, more often than not, what is squeezed out of GanXingba’s buttocks is generally pretty funny, albeit the fact that he holds on to a joke longer than ever necessary (like the optimist/skeptic bit).

Saying GanXingba’s editing is a little unfocused is like saying that I use just one or two too many analogies. Half the time the scene doesn’t make sense when played side by side with the dialogue. GanXingba’s criterion for two characters talking to each other is limited only to, “be them standing in the same scene? (MS Office, actual correction, which proves the MS Office grammar check is a pirate)” Which render’s most of the interpersonal dialogue in the show as awkward as the grade school proms, where you were forced to dance with Mary, the girl whose best physical feature was how her harelip divided her very mature mustache.

The show plays like Avatar: the Last Nickelodeon Gimmick (And this joke declared dead 3:01 am 12/11/2010) ran in fast forward. It’s almost like he had forgotten that he could literally do whatever he wanted, since he was the voice actor and the writer now, and instead of simply passing over the story, decided to cram as much Avatar back story as is legally allowed down the throats off all of his readers.

I made the mistake of trying to watch the first three episodes back to forth in one sitting. Three days and a bottle of Excedrin later, I have recovered from the subsequent headache that arose from every single bouncy scene that was flashed at me in the speed of old Pokemon show, (you know, before everyone got bitchy over a couple of seizures?)

See? She looks thoroughly entertained.

To GanXingba’s credit, this does get better toward the end. What doesn’t however is the audio/visual continuity. At one point, when the Fire General appears to fight Obi Wan Kenobi, at which point Obi cheeses it by lighting up like flash paper, and Aang is left to fight the Fire General. GanXingba’s voice of Aang then decides to try piss the fire general off by going on and on about muttonchops (which apparently is the worst possible insult in this series) while the video of Aang is left crunkin’ it up, and shakin’ his booty. While it was slightly amusing in its own right, I think that the whole bit would have done a whole lot better if it hadn’t been done.

The mood setting of the show is hurt slightly by there being absolutely no background noise. Sure he offers a couple musical gags, but beyond that it’s not even crickets. But considering the tempo of the show, the only appropriate background music would probably be the Benny Hill Theme Song. The end of each episode has a sound clip of another show or movie, a technique so suspiciously familiar, that I’m left thinking that Little Kuriboh is the only gag writer in the entire Abridged Universe.

The voice acting and caricaturing are all done very well and generally suite the situation in the show. GanXingba obviously inserts himself into the role of… hold on, I need to check something… Sokka! His name is Sokka!… GanXingba obviously inserts himself into the role of Sokka the most by making him the most reasoned person in the show, as to why he would do this I haven’t the foggiest, but then again, I never watched the original show.

GanXingba’s interpretation of Zuko was originally really annoying, but I get the impression that it really just fits Zuko too much (again, I’ve never watched the original show), so I’m willing to let the teenager whiney voice slide, if not only for the sake of caricaturization (using the art of caricature as a means of forming a parody character). GanXingba won my heart easily with setting Iroh as the snarky cynical Jewish man, making him effectively the funniest person in the series (I wonder why).

Takahata101 makes his contractual appearance in episode 8 (as part of article 302 of GanXingba’s deal with the devil), and a Deathnote reference appears almost directly following (as per article 303).

Avatar: The Abridged Series has one big strong point: It’s humor. And if you’re going to get something right in a Parody, the humor is a good place to start. The humor is at some points so subtle that they feel like gentle tickles up the back, and some points they hit you in the face so hard you start to feel those tingles all over. If you aren’t the nerdiest of nerds, you might not get many of references, but the humor is solid there and the delivery was generally well timed.

If you’re unclear about how I feel the show, well… you wouldn’t be the only one. The critical side of me says that the show has far too much growing up to do before it can walk and talk with the other Abridged Series, but honestly for the young adult series that it is, it’s not all that bad of a show. I guess what I’m trying to squeeze out like an 8mm kidney stone is a half-hearted recommendation.

While it’s not the best thing on the planet there are certainly more wasted videos on YouTube then this, but I personally don’t know exactly how to feel about it. Every time I think I have a grip on the show, it slips out of my fingers and sails off straight into the sunset, without so much as a goodbye or a “thanks for having me.” Honestly the show is not something I’d get excited about and the show should consider itself lucky if I watch episode 11 or 12, but at least I never wanted to commit Hari Kari at any point through the series. .

So in essence: GanXingba, you sly bastard, you tricked me. I thought I was getting a good ol’ fashion bad show to widdle away at like an overzealous craftsman, and you confused me by cleverly hiding a decent one inside of it.

The only problem is that by now I have built up a tolerance to Excedrin.

Jack “A.C.” Shawhan is a satire artist and self-proclaimed “Lord of all existence.” He is the founder and head writer of the Wasted Time, which is pretty much as big of an accomplishment as taking the world’s second largest turd, but he takes it anyway. Every week he features the Wasted Time review, a satire critique meant present the parts of the internet that are good, and to the parts of the internet that aren’t he kicks them square in the nuts.

thewastedtimereview@gmail.com

The Wasted Time©, 2010.

The Wasted Time Review – Yu Gi Oh! The Abridged Series.

December 4, 2010 Leave a comment

One Sunday November 28, 2010, the Comedy world took a tragic loss in the passing of Leslie Nielson. Known and fondly remembered for his movies The Naked Gun Series, Airplane!, and being the only funny actor in Superhero Movie. This review is a dedicated in the memory of the great parody artist Leslie Nielson.

Leslie Nielson February 11th 1926 – November 28th 2010.

The Wasted Time Review –

Yu Gi Oh!: The Abridged Series.

First time I watched Yu Gi Oh!: The Abridged Series, I felt it came off as gimmicky… Not necessarily bad per ce… but gimmicky. The problem with gimmicks is that there is really only two ways you can go with it. There is option 1) The Sitcom Approach, where you introduce some originally funny gimmicks and then hold it by its legs and use it to beat your audience mercilessly, until your audience resembles amorphous blobs of blood and puss, and your gimmick is dry, tasteless, and uninteresting (kind of like David Spade’s career).

Then there’s option 2) The MacFarlane approach, where you take your gimmicks and use them pelt the wall of comedic acceptability until it comes crashing down and humor in it’s most twisted and pure form begins to rush the audience with foaming mouths and penchant taste for blood. If you’ve watched Family Guy in the last few years you know what I’m talking about. So far the list of things Family Guy has made comically acceptable includes: Full-on featured Domestic Abuse, Neglect, Bestiality, Infant Drunkenness, and Pedophilia. In this there is a problem: You end up desensitizing your audience to shock, which isn’t all that bad, unless you consider that “Shock Humor,” is your primary niche. When you desensitize your audience, like a faithful crack dealer you have to keep giving them more and more risqué humor, until you either walk away, or actually full on graphically depict the scene where Herbert finally gets to Chris.

Gimmicky humor is like a unicycle balancing act, in the option 1 it’s entertaining and impressive at first, but begins to lose its particular appeal after you’ve been watching it for 20 goddamn hours. In option 2, you have the same unicycle act, but now in order to keep it fresh you have to throw wet cats at the unicyclist while he keeps his balance, and when that ceases to be entertaining you light the cats on FIRE.

And then you fling it at them.

“Now, Aperio!” You might say, “How come you’re bashing gimmicky people on the article you are dedicating to Leslie Nielson?” This is true, Leslie Nielson was nothing if he wasn’t gimmicky, but Leslie Nielson belonged to a special club for special people known as the Gimmick Kings. This group include Grouncho Marx, The Three Stooges, and of course Mel Brooks. If all the gimmicky people in the world were retards (Which It’s my  supposition that yes they are), than these few and proud would be the idiot savants, who somehow have taken the tired out Gimmick humor and made it entertaining. To assume that a person is a Gimmick King when watching any show, is the same as assuming that the waitress at the bar is really into you, and if you buy a couple more drinks, and tip her really nice, she might invite you over for a game of Find the Beaver.

Find it yet?

More often than not you’ll walk away disappointed, embarrassed, limping from a hurting crotch.

So first time I watched YGOTAS, I saw maybe an episode and a half, which I honestly laughed during, then as a test I skipped ahead several episodes to find out he was using the same gimmicks. I promptly closed the tab, figuring I had watched all 49 episodes, and vowed never to watch it again. I mean come on, if you had an indication twenty years ago the Simpsons would be the same jokes in 2010, you would have stopped watching it in 1991. The way I figure it: 1 season of normal show=1.5 episodes of an abridged series (adjusting for inflation). I thought that was a good ratio and left at that.

Then it kept prying at me.

In my arduous quest to find a decent abridged series, I scaled the highest heights (By which I mean self owned domains), to lowest depth (By which I mean YouTube) to find something funny. I asked the people, and they tell me “YGOTAS of course!”  In when I politely told them that 1.5 episodes of it pretty much summed that one up, they politely told me to get fucked…

Then I notice Little Kuriboh creeping into every series, I thought it was the Takahata101 syndrome  except he was actually funny…

Seriously! The guy cracked me up every time he voiced a character. And you knew it was him, because they were the most gimmicky parts of the show. From hitting up bets with King Kai, to knocking the Parody Rangers around, he was never a miss on me.

So I came jaunting back to yugiohabridged.com, apologizing about all my transgressions… and the bitch made work for it. Every time I clicked on the episode it made me run around all of its advertise me, and she straight up denies me when it gets time for the goods. Seriously, I had to run it on robust mode (geek speak, for getting her drunk) to watch a goddamn episode. So I left her, and went to her moderately attractive sister CardGamesFTW, and me and her had an  intense affair where I clicked on her page five or six times a day. Every time brought me to complete comedy satisfaction, every time.

This show featured great humor, obscure references that only the nerdiest of the nerdom could ever stand a Halfling beating a Half-Orc Barbarian’s chance getting, and the absolute best Pulp Fiction quote ever.

Yeah, That One.

But alas as all good affairs, this has worn, and made me tired. It’s not so much  Little Kuriboh’s fault, much of it is because of the minimum 5 Little Kuriboh  references per Abridged Series mandate that is now enforced by law apparently, but a good portion of it is because if Little Kuriboh goes much further, his series could be locked in Simpsonite, and doomed to be watched on primetime Fox for the rest of eternity.

You don’t really want this to happen, do you?

In summation, while I may be falling out of my romance with his abridged series, and I only find myself clicking on her a couple of times a month now, and still hesitate to name Little Kuriboh  amongst the list Gimmick Kings, I can safely say he is the idiot savant of the Abridged Series world. He genuinely funny and I look forward to everything I see him in. It seems that in this driest of dry comedic times, filled with your Dane Cooks and Andy Dicks, finally we have somebody who can simply make you laugh. Maybe this is Gods way of making up for the fact that he would take Leslie Nielson two fucking months after I discovered it.

Jack “A.C.” Shawhan is a satire artist and self-proclaimed “Lord of all existence.” He is the founder and head writer of the Wasted Time, which is pretty much as big of an accomplishment as taking the world’s second largest turd, but he takes it anyway. Every week he features the Wasted Time review, a satire critique meant present the parts of the internet that are good, and to the parts of the internet that aren’t he kicks them square in the nuts.

The Wasted Time©, 2010.

The Wasted Time Review: Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged

November 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Let me start this off by saying out of all the members of TeamFourStar, Lanipator has to be consistently my favorite voice actor. He can juggle a variety of voices, and caricaturizes so well that half of the time you might believe that you are looking at the original piece of art itself.  Lanipator is consistent on styling his humor to each particular character that gives a liquid flow of comedy gold. Not to say he’s perfect, many of his jokes are a complete miss, but not everything can be Michelob Golden Draft.

Featured: Real Liquid Schwartz.

At best you can settle for a Bud and if you like Bud Light, than you’ll like Lanipator’s Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged, because it obviously took a lot to make it.

(Now that I’m finished polishing THAT Particular Knob)

Yu Yu Hakusho (Or Poltergeist Files, depending on how much you have sex with girls) is a Shounin Action Comedy Anime that was featured on adult swim a couple years back. It featured punk but (in a strike of imagination that is congruent with American Action Movies, that is not that much) misunderstood kid, Yusuke Uremeshi, with a dead beat mom, a missing/dead father, and an all around shitty life. He takes the guise of as a bad boy thug, that is he vents his frustration on people that looked at him funny. His best friend, Kuabara, is the kid who he beats up every day (kind of like a homo erotic mix of masochism and stockholms), and his girlfriend, Keiko, is the annoying twat who wants him to be the normal guy. What else… Oh yeah, he dies in the freaking beginning.

Enter Botan, a grim reaper that seems to have a problem with the word grim. Come in to inform our hero that after an uncharacteristic, and totally unlikely scenario, he died outside of what was expected and was entitled to his body back, but not before five fucking episode of filler and backstory. We are then whisked away in a Psychological probing of the main character when he is taken to each of his loved ones as they are crying after his death, in the end realizing that his life is worth living, and in the end Botan gets her wings… wait. Botan then informs him with a final “fuck you.” That his death was irrelevant and in vain because nobody would have gotten hurt, is it just me, or at that point would you have wanted to see how far you can stick that broom up that taut ass of hers before you could hold the handle at her throat.

The story then goes on to be excuse after excuse to get into one badass fight after another, and that’s all it meant to be. Sure the intimate moments are thrown into the mix like awkward first dates, but that’s alright because that’s just filler until somebody gets something exploded inside them (on both occasions). Yu Yu Hakusho is one of my favorite anime’s because it didn’t insist upon itself, it didn’t do it’s marketing in the same way as the red light district, and most of all it was ball blasting, brain exploding, chest caving fucking action, and there is little else that I can ask from it beside that.

Ten years later Lanipator now answers the question nobody ever asked: What would Yu Yu Hakusho be like if it were Americanized. Instead of answering something like “I don’t know, but it probably would be directed by Michael Bay…” He decided to make Yu Yu Hakusho: Abridged. Which starts out strong in the tradition of the original series that he actually kills the series with a LittleKuriboh reference (You know the one), before he even kills Yusuke. He then sets his sights and aims directly toward the fourth wall in a desperate attempt to take the fan in the Suicide/Homicide Pact. The jokes in the first episode, for the most part are either unoriginal, or come off like a bad lesson in fellatio. The character’s seemed forced, and everything seemed to be going too fast for anyone to pick up and figure out what the fuck is going on.

As expected Lanipator’s voice acting is fairly spot on, he sounds so much like Yusuke that I am personally convinced that he is actually Justin Cook in disguise.

Featured: Lanipator

After the first episode, and the understood bath afterward, I debated whether I should continue on the rest of the 18 goddamn episodes, or just phone in the review. But then that nagging voice in the back on my head screamed “AC! You know damn well that first episodes are always a piece of shit. That’s why you hate pilots because they feel forced, and there’s a lot of kinks, but even the worst shows can get better.”

So, if not only to quiet the annoying conscience, I sat down and continued watching, and it floored me. About halfway through it actually improved. The jokes seemed to flow crisply out of the keg, with just the right amount of head. But it still was a far cry from even Bud Light standards, much less the much sought perfection that is Michelob Golden Draft. It’s more like Pabts Blue Ribben, which can be refreshing, if doesn’t cut the roof of your mouth.

My problem wasn’t that these episodes weren’t funny, or somewhat amusing, it’s really that up through the first 3 episodes it really didn’t add any comedic value than the original show, it simply Americanized the comedy, which is all well and good, if you want to make a redub. But when you are making an abridged series you are making a parody. A form meant to add comedic value. Really it felt like watching Yu Yu Hakusho, and if I had wanted to watch Yu Yu Hakusho, than I’d go watch Yu Yu Hakusho at gowatchyuyuhakusho.com, which I did.

But it seems that even the Proper series couldn’t pull me away from this review because after about the third episode of Yu Yu Hakusho the proper series, I realized something, that many of the references in Yu Yu Hakusho: Abridged made a lot more sense if watched in tandem with the original series. Which is novel and endearing in a Raymond Babbitt sort of way, but that realization was kind of a annoying, I shouldn’t have to freshly know the Yu Yu Hakusho Proper series back story to get most of the jokes. It stands to reason that a good comedy should stand alone from what it was originally inspired from. But I had become interested in it, if not for the same fascination I look at Autistic kids for and I continued watching, and it floored me again!

From episode four of Yu Yu Hakushu: Abridged it starts to get brilliant. The jokes and the one liners start to make sense, and it becomes less of a whiney diatribe and more of a spoof comedy, which is what it should have been in the first place.  He introduces the first villains of the show allowing him to explore his infamous dark humor without coming off as forced and actually start to make sense. The presentation of Lanipator’s jokes greatly improves, and the well of untapped force that is “Surprise comedy,” ensues.

Bet you thought this was going to be a rape joke, didn’t you?

Lanipator’s love for irony shines through this series like a diamond in the middle of the desert. I use that metaphor because it’s dryer than a real man’s Martini (On second thought real men don’t drink Martini’s), which is fine if you’re like me and enjoy irony, dark humor, hilariously bad reasoning and generally being awesome*.

But to be fair most people don’t find this humor as redeeming, but these are the same people who rant in my ear that Step Brothers is the greatest comedy of all time, to which all I have to say is “Get the fuck off my page and go watch Alternate Reality DBZ, you brainwashed twat.”

Now that those guys are gone, I have to get on to the really painful part in which I say that have to confess that I genuinely enjoyed Yu Yu Hakusho abridged. It was immersive in the way that half way through I actually forgot I wasn’t watching Yu Yu Hakusho, when the dark humor and irony set in I found myself amused enough that when the obscure references popped out and slapped me in the face like  Huggy Bear I about died laughing.

Sure there’s a couple misses, like when Lanipator makes the Saint Beasts into the Blue Collar Comedy Beast, to presumably memorialized the time when Jeff Foxworthy and His Clone teamed up with Ron White and Larry the Cable Guy to assassinate comedy.

But he rectifies that mistake quickly after he cathartically kills Genbu the Cable Beast by making the other three the guy from Deliverance, Hank Hill (I wish I was kidding), and exactly what would happen if Dale Gribble and Boomhauer teamed up on Cheetara.

In the end Yu Yu Hakusho is extremely flawed, some of the ideas are completely asinine, and the editing is about as on time as a wedding day fart. A couple of the episodes will snake by with a simple “that’s kind of clever,” but not really going much further. All that teamed up with the fact that if you want to see him do the complete series than you better pitch up a tent because judging by the rate in which Lanipator posts chances are you’ll be watching the last episode on Hologram Computers in your fucking flying car, it seems to be a miracle if I don’t give it a “complete shit rating.” But that fact was for all of that it was entertaining.

Did you hear that? Enter-fucking-taining. What comedy used to before calling a person Emo became comedy (I’m looking at you Naruto Abridged). It’s like an old friend who comes in every other month, and leaves before you realize what a complete tool he’s become. And I love it for that, I would describe as a gem in an otherwise bleak sea of shit (otherwise known as You Tube). Problem is it’s covered in said shit, and when you try to grip it the edge cuts your hand.

*Only really applies to AC

The Wasted Time Review: Bustgunner: Abridged

November 11, 2010 2 comments

By request of one of my readers, I decided to watch Bustgunner: Abridged. Bustgunner Abridged is a parody Gunbuster (Bustgunner by fans(get it?)). Gunbuster is about Noriko Hidaki, a young girl, plagued by the mammor-, I mean memories, of her missing father, and works to be the breas-, I mean BEST, gunbuster in order to somehow find or avenge her father (presumably because piloting a Giant Robot is not only the most logical way to solve anything in Japan, it’s supported by Japanese Law).

The story starts out in a Japanese Robocadamy, with the most loose definition of a uniform I’ve ever seen,  where we find our hero is an inept twit (or twat if you’re feeling frisky), she is then recognized for her ineptitude and trained by the crippled coach ta-ta-I mean OHta, and in between all of this she dresses in crotch-hurtingly skimpy close and has a Pseudolesbian relationship with star gunner Kazumi Amano, which by the way is the only two elements that makes the show half-way decent to watch… So far, I don’t know why I want to bother reviewing this, it sounds terrible, and any jokes made about it would improve on that fact…

… Oh well, at least it doesn’t take place in space and involve giant insect aliens…

Oh for the love of fuck.

Ok… so basically it’s like Starship Troopers, but with Boobs and Giant Robots… So basically it’s like Edward Neumeier’s Starship Troopers.

Bustgunner: The abridged series, is about 50 grueling minutes long, and that’s about the best I can say about it. The first thing that irked me about this show, besides the fact that LordMoonstone decided to parody fucking Gunbuster, is that the disclaimer sounds like it’s being read by Fred…

Because this is what passes as comedy now.

This I guess is a part of the longstanding comedy tradition of sounding so much like a chipmunk that you should probably cut Jason Lee a check. At the end he adds on kthxbi, which is the kind of humor that I expect from my 13 year old niece and not an abridged series, and then a small disclaimer at the beginning of the show so noboby gets offend about this week’s touchy joke, which as I mentioned in my LAST review of PTAS, if you’re going to make a disclaimer for other than legal obligation, or comedic value, than you might as well have not made the joke. Or here’s a thought, you say fuck your audience, just make the goddamn joke and ignore your comments for something more important, like video games, and boobs…

Continuing on, the voice acting probably could have been improved if I methodically tortured my cats at different intervals and pitches to mimic barely registerable sounds. The main character’s voice falls in and out of a male pubescent teenager’s voice and the girl with the hairy arms and adams apple that was hitting on me at Buffalo Wild Wings last Thursday. And this isn’t wholly bad… unless you take in the fact that almost every female character has the same goddamn voice.

He starts out setting Ohta as the maker of the show, which is a good idea because it makes the opportunity to take swipes at the designer… Which failed. What could have been comedic gold in this guys hands, turned to shit like King Midas on a bad day.

The story goes on with the introduction Kazumi, in which (surprise surprise), Lordmoonstone capitalizes on the teenage fantansy lesbian chemistry in which he seemed to pull most of his lines for out of the bad lemon fanfinction category of the local anime website. Now I understand the sexual jokes, watching Gunbuster the capital joke is sex, because everything else is shit. If it weren’t for the fact that he wore down the sex references so much that if it were on rubber tires he’d be traveling on all rims.

The show then stays at a stable level of shitty, until you hit the fourth episode, in which LMS defies all reason by surprising me, and becoming even shittier, that’s right the TAS that sets the bar so low, I think hitler uses it for the stabilizing bar in his crunch sessions, somehow drops it so quickly that Judas says “What the fuck was that?”

. The fourth episode starts out with one of the god awful disclaimers, telling the fan not to be offended by the racist joke about to come up. And then, by comedy law as all things go down the shithole, Kim Jong Il shows up.

If South Korea had to sit through this, the revolt would have caused WWIII

This incredibly racist depiction of Hideaki Anno (Which I still believe is Kim Joing Il’s alternate identity), complete with the amazingly broken engrish is about the closest this show comes to racial stereotyping, which is about like saying I Lordmoonstone came close to knocking down a building when he rammed his head against it 54 times.

His entering joke with this already doomed character is that he’ll “take something precious,” away from coach, which he follows out on, complete with the Wrath of Khanesk pull away scene. So what did he take to garner such a reaction? Fucked if I know. Seriously unless I fell asleep at the beginning of the episode (which granted how boring it was I probably did), you NEVER find out. That’s right, this guy does the equivalent of “it’s an inside joke” with the fucking world.

The show then goes on with making unoriginal references such as “In America,” and even a Space Balls reference, which goes to show that there are shows on the planet that even the greatest parody writer of all fucking time couldn’t save. I don’t even at this point remember the end because it felt like a dream. Not because all of my fantasies came alive and I got to actually murder the man that made this piece of shit, but because it was so boring and stretched out and it ended before anything really got any good.

In review Bustgunner abridged is the classic example of why YouTube is a bad Idea. Yes you might get a gem every now and again, but you have to wade through all the shitholes to get to it. But all that said, none of Bustgunner was really the worst, most incomprehensible thing in the world, that slots reserved for Lordmoonstone’s Berserk Abridged:

This image haunts me in the quiet nights.